Fist

In many cultures we are taught not to get into fights or resort to using our fists. Children, in their exploration of the world and its boundaries, use their hands — and may use their fists. There are those who say one way to teach is to let them feel the consequences: if they hit, let them get hit back, so they understand what it feels like — a controlled way of learning. Similarly, if they want to play with fire, just let them touch it briefly; they cry, they learn, and they do not do it again.

Others argue that a better option is to reason with them — or, in the case of toddlers who cannot yet reason like adults, not to laugh and give the wrong feedback, to stop them physically, and even to use a time-out: taking them to another place to associate bad behaviour with being removed from the social environment. It isolates the behaviour, not the child.

Either way, children and adults need to be prepared to deal with different situations and understand that there are different approaches and cultures, and that adapting to context is essential. Discipline only works when the environment enforces it. Remove the environment, add power, and what remains is the unchecked behaviour the discipline was meant to prevent. Because if a child was taught that bad behaviour leads to isolation—but as an adult they are in a position of power where no one stops them, and they are cheered on by their yes-men—then those who were taught to reciprocate, to give back what they receive, might become the only ones who stop them, because they will eventually bite back at those assholes.