Sometimes we avoid quarrels, and sometimes — perhaps — we should experience them. I think they are more likely to happen if you grow up in an immature environment. I am not used to them myself. I have seen them treated as normal behaviour in some families. And it is possible that some would say they are fine — the way insulting rivals in stadiums is considered normal, or the way some friends greet each other with insults. But are those really quarrels? They may appear that way because of the intensity, but I understand a real quarrel as something different: a genuine lack of manners and restraint — being truly angry, heated, because you have been suppressing emotions.
Like a glass of water filled drop by drop until it overflows — the drop that spills the glass is not just a drop. It is the only one you see, but it is there because of all the ones contained before it. That is the analogy for when someone says something cruel or impolite and claims it was the heat of the moment: it is because there is more of that inside. If you see hatred or racism surface, there is more where it came from. Is that always the case? I do not know — but it may well be, and there are probably studies on it.
We should experience quarrels when we are exploring our limits — when we are growing up — because they help us know ourselves better. But not as something that happens every week or month.






